Not Yet 60, but Tired Already

I’ve decided to rebrand the show to The Book of Donovan. To be honest, I sat on this recording for a week because it felt too dark, even for me. But I had to get it out of my system.

I’m 56 years old, and on May 4th, 2026, I’ll hit my 36th wedding anniversary. While I’ve managed to keep this family afloat and we live in a nice neighborhood, I’m struggling. I wake up at 5 a.m. every day to a routine of coffee, news, and checking my IT management dashboard. It’s a grind. I recently lost a major client, so we’re having to tighten the budget, and our old vehicles—one of which is 24 years old—constantly need expensive repairs.

Deep down, I haven’t been happy in years. I feel a lot of guilt because, on paper, I have what I need, yet I’m miserable most of the time. I often feel like the effort in my life is one-sided; I handle 98% of what gets done around the house, from the laundry to 60% of the cooking. I find myself looking back at my 20s and 30s with nostalgia—back when I was a network manager for CityNet in Tifton, fighting to get DSL into our neighborhood, and staying up until 3 a.m. playing World of Warcraft with my wife.

Now, I wrestle with the “why” of it all. We spend our lives chasing goals only to find ourselves barreling toward 60 with nothing of substance to show for it. I’m tired, I’m scared, and I’m filled with a rage that I only manage to keep in check because I’m no longer masking things with alcohol. I’ve made bad decisions in the past, and I carry a lot of shame for how I’ve treated people emotionally.

This isn’t meant to be uplifting—this is my therapy. If you’re feeling the same way, you can reach me at podcast@bookofdonovan.com.